Bad Poetry

BAD POETRY

Authors note: every semester, the writing club at my college has a bad poetry contest-- whoever discovers or writes the worst poetry wins. I think I may have won just by sheer volume. I gave myself a rule: as soon as I had finished a line, I couldn't go back and edit it. I think it turned out for the best / worst.

Her lips are like lips
Rosy and chapped with balm of the lip
Especially her lip of the upper lip upper
Dip dup dupper doo dooooo

Limerick proficiency
There once was a man from Teluse
Whose head looked quite like a goose
He honked and he gonked
And gave john Deere a bonk
Oh god I can't make this rhyme.

Earwigs limerick
Earwigs are gross-ass-gross yuck
I want to squish them all they yuck
Gross oh jeez
Ew
Ech

Mother Theresa
Mother Theresa went to the store
The story has groceries galore
I adore the galore words
Galore is now an adjective
I am not an English major.

Book limerick
There once was a once was a man
Who could and he can and he can
He read from a book
Book from a book
Book book book book man book book man book book

Juan topper limerick
There once was a man from Juan Topper
Who said once to me "I'm a stopper"
And he stopped this Limerick

Target
Target is a store where clothes can be bought
Lingerie and fake moustaches with purple ink
I spin around in the aisles making whistling noises
The patrons raise me up on their hands
I am a god
Tweeeeeeeeeeeeee

Tree
A tree is like an apple which forms from a tree
It's bark is not like a dog bark but a wood bark from a tree bark
Its roots are rooted in dogs who are barking
bark bark
tree

Sewers
In a sewer, it is dank like a llama
Llamas are aliens that landed on a comet
To operate industrial machines, they use a grommet
This poem makes me want to vomit

Commerce
The stores are full of Christmas decorations, many images of Santa delivering presents
The holiday spirit swirls around me, choking like an anaconda
My anger swells like a tidal wave
It's not even thanksgiving yet

Glockenspiel
The glockenspiel is my favorite instrument
It goes pingading doo da ding dong
The glockenspiel is my favorite instrument
It goes apapapapapapapapap pa pong

The glockenspiel is my favorite instrument
It goes alapasasakakwa
The roflcoptor is my favorite meme
It goes swaswaswaswaswaswa

The thoughts of a chicken
BAWK
bkaaaaaah... bawk...bawk...bkawwww.
Bawk
Many bawks
BKAAAAWWWWW!!!

Silence
...

Labor
Hallo you are work
Drill to center of earth please
Many diamonds
This poem is about sexual identity

Magic
Magic is possible in our world
That spray can yoda can tell you
Tell you all about the force, he can
I walk down the street and I fall down escalator steps
I arrive in mall and Harry Potter is there
He casts magic spells
Do you believe in magic?
In a young girl's heart?

Thing
There is a thing in my head
It tells me things; how to eat, to drink, how to spread the spores from the mothership.
An alien parasite has drilled into my skull.

Bassoon
Hawoooon, mister bassoon. How nice to meet you!
Good thing I'm not a wood eating bird
Or I would like to eat you!
I'll bring out a valet and a limo
To celebrate and greet you!
Surprise surprise, I am a wood eating bird
I just ate you! You taste delicious! You fell for my ruse, you idiot!

Roses are red
Violets are red
Everything is red
Blood is red
I am Carphax, God of blood