How to deal with writers block!

Is writer’s block getting you down? Tired of staring at the screen, hoping Gunshija, Goddess of Writers will send you divine inspiration? Well, look no further! I am going to enlighten you on how I smash through writer’s block like the Hulk smashes through walls!

THE STEPS:

1: Obtain the following items: a matchbox, the biggest bottle of gin you can find, and a picture of renowned pop star Taylor Swift. Set them on the table and croon softly to them.

2: Light a match, stare at it until it burns down, and consider all the terrible choices you’ve made in life. Rinse and repeat until the matchbox is empty. Eat the empty matchbox.

3: Smash the photograph while screaming “WHY DID YOU BETRAY ME, TAYLOR!? WHY?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY SOULMATE!!!”

4: Ignore the fact that you’ve never met Taylor Swift.

5: Chug the bottle of gin.

6: Curl into a ball and cry for several hours.

Congratulations! You are now ready to write an award winning novel or build a robot to write one for you! The world is your gin-soaked oyster! Go forth and CREATE!!!

EXPLOSION BURST MAN!!!

EXPLOSION BURST MAN!!!

By Matthew Wasik

CHAPTER 1

Explosion Burst Man, the world’s greatest superhero, woke up to a picturesque sunrise right out of a picture. He removed the wet newspaper from his face and looked at a sturdy wooden chair sitting next to his bed.

“Well, good morning, Steve!” said Explosion Burst Man to the chair, whose name was Steve. “Are you ready for another productive day?”

Steve, who was a chair, said nothing.

“Great!” said Explosion Burst Man, and rolled out of bed onto the floor, wrapping himself in the sheets and taking Steve with him as he did so.

“Rrrru rehree goo goh?” asked Explosion Burst Man, voice muffled by the blankets.

Steve, who was a knocked-over chair, said nothing.

Bad Poetry

BAD POETRY

Authors note: every semester, the writing club at my college has a bad poetry contest-- whoever discovers or writes the worst poetry wins. I think I may have won just by sheer volume. I gave myself a rule: as soon as I had finished a line, I couldn't go back and edit it. I think it turned out for the best / worst.

Her lips are like lips
Rosy and chapped with balm of the lip
Especially her lip of the upper lip upper
Dip dup dupper doo dooooo

Limerick proficiency
There once was a man from Teluse
Whose head looked quite like a goose
He honked and he gonked
And gave john Deere a bonk
Oh god I can't make this rhyme.